Be Good

This is a transcript of the film, included for screen readers and the visually impaired.

[Techno music with people laughing & talking]

[Sound of record skipping in background]

Hmmm.

Thanks for the warning about the party.

Oh. Ah- Sorry. I was gonna invite you and umm- It's a work thing. Really- Ummm-

Basic courtesy, Joe. When are you going to grow up?

My man Joe!

Heeeeeey! [Unintelligible words followed by laughter]

What do you look for in a man?

Well, I want a man who can make a difference in this world. Ya know, someone with a contribution to make.

I mean, when I was doing my charity work in Africa-

Mmmm.

So, for your chance to win a holiday of a lifetime, just complete this sentence: "I deserve to be lying on a beach in Sydney because- "

No one deserves to be lying on a beach in Sydney.

That might be what you think, but there are people all around you, working really hard, looking after their families and friends.

Just because you lie on the soda all day, doesn't mean everybody else does.

Next up in the studio, we've got Eddie Dare, our celeb-

[Music plays while photos scroll]

[Sound of cymbals crashing]

What have I ever done that's worthwhile?

[Music plays while photos scroll]

No, really worthwhile. Proper, grown-up stuff. Ok, let's see-

I go to parties. I chase girls. I drink beer. What good am I to anyone?

Can I help you? Can I help you? No - Can I help you?

You seem a little - lost. Ya, that works.

Would you like my brolly? Don't be weird.

Can I carry those? You seem a little short - weak No! Ummm-

Can I carry those? You seem not very strong-

A donation? Why certainly. In fact, I'd like to volunteer.

Hello. May I carry those for you?

Oh, theif! Theif! Theif! Somebody help me! Help me! Get away!

Ok, Darling. Cross the road, so hold my hand.

Stop. Ya, it's clear. It's safe to cross now.

Donít look at the strange man, Darling.

Please man. Please man. No! Please!

Guys! Guys! Don't fight. He's smaller than you.

So, he's my brother. I can do what I want.

Ya, what are you? Some kind of of weirdo perv?!

Ow! Oooh! Oww!

Jesus Christ!

[music playing in background]

Don't drink and drive.

Don't drink and drive.

[Laughter]

Don't drink and drive.

Kevin! [laughs]

There's got to be an easier way.

And why do you want to adopt a dog?

I want to look after something.

Have you thought about getting a plant?

That's no good. I need something that matters, if it dies.

If it dies?

No, the dog want die. Or anything. I'm going to really look after it. I absolutely promise. Please. I am very responsible.

Mmmm.

[Dogs barking in background]

So, Norman, I'm going to look after you. I'm going to wash you, and then I'm going to feed you. And you know- Brush you-

And all that sort of stuff. So, ya! Ummm- Welcome to your new home.

[Squeaky toy]

[Norman growls and Joe groans in pain]

[Norman barks and woman screams]

Sorry!

[Norman growls]

Hey!

[Norman growls]

[Norman barks and Joe groans in exhaustion]

[Norman barking in backround]

I give up.

[Music Playing]

I tried Norman. I gave it everything, y'know I did good stuff, I-

[Car horn honking]

But it just didn't work. I'm sorry but I've got to take you back.

[Norman whines]

I just wish I did one good thing. If I've been even slightly responsible for something good, but no. [sigh] Look, you need a better owner, right? And I should just stop trying-

[Car screeching]

Yea, maybe I'll try being mean and careless. See where that gets me.

[Car screeching over speed bump]

[Birds chirping in the background]

Okay Norman. Go and do your business and then its back to the animal home.

[wrapper crinkling]

Hmmm.

Hey Joe. Now that's not you, man. That's a bit out of order.

You should have seen me yesterday. I was a model citizen.

[Dog barking in backround]

[A woman screams]

[Intense music in the background]

My baby! My baby!

[Baby crying]

[Norman barks]

You saved her!

Wow. How'd you get your dog to do that?

Well done, Sir.

It wasn't me, it was Norman.

[Norman barks]

Don't be so modest, you're a hero. After all, if you hadn't been here today, well-

[Police radio feedback]

[Horn playing in background]

[Singing] " Call me irresponsible. Call me unreliable. Throw in undependable, too. Do my foolish alibies bore you? Well, I'm not too clever, I just adore you."

[Singing] "Call me, unpredictable. Tell me, I'm impracticle. Rainbows, I'm inclined to pursue. Call me irresponsible. Yes, I'm unreliable. But it's undeniably true. I'm irresponsibly mad for you"

[Makes saxphone sound with mouth]