The Responsibility Project^®. Exploring what it means to do the right thing

The Age of the Mea Culpa

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June 1, 2009 by Kathy McManus

 We are awash in apologies.

But are any of them meaningful?

Since President Obama’s inaugural call for “a new era of responsibility,” and his subsequent, frank admission-- “I screwed up”--about the vetting of a Cabinet appointee, the market in mea culpas has risen as steadily as the Dow has dropped.

One by one, people have been supposedly sorry for brazen bonuses, Ponzi ploys, steroid secrets, bloodying their girlfriends, and other assorted blunders of judgment, some even boldly echoing the President’s words.

“I screwed up, big-time,” declared baseball icon Alex Rodriguez at a press conference where he discussed his past use of a banned steroid. Asked if he thought he had cheated, Rodriguez replied, “That’s not for me to determine.” He didn’t think the drugs he injected for three years were steroids, he said, then added, “I knew we weren’t taking Tic Tacs.”

The audacity of dope.

Sports writers scoffed at A-Rod’s A-Pology, declaring it more strategy than sincerity. PR and leadership experts saw it as the empty new fashion of confession.

“It was lacking in authenticity,” said one. “Like most apologies in the public sector, there was no mention of amends, and an apology without amends is just public relations.”

The apology plague has spread beyond borders, catching the attention of the Singapore newspaper The Straits Times, which recently rated the sincerity of some well-known apologists on a scale of 1-5. Olympian Michael Phelps’ mea culpa for bad bong behavior—“I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way”--was awarded a 3.5 for showing he’s “man enough at 23 to take responsibility for his mistakes,” according to the newspaper.

Singer Chris Brown scored an anemic 1 for his formulaic written statement--“Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am…”--after charges of assaulting his pop star girlfriend Rihanna. “We’re not impressed,” hissed the Straits Times.

Wall Street bankers were smacked down by the newspaper as well, earning a measly 2. Morgan Stanley chief executive John Mack’s insistence that he was “especially sorry what’s happened to shareholders” and was “taking responsibility” prompted this reaction from the newspaper: “Three words: Return your bonuses.”

Which brings us back to A-Rod. in a YES Network interview after his less-than candid press conference about steroid use, the Yankees third baseman threw in the towel about the public’s perception of him, post-apology. “I feel like right now that not too many people like me, so I’ve given up on that,” A-Rod said. “I’m not very good with words,” he continued, “but no matter what I sit here and tell you today, it’s not going to express how truly sorry I feel for what I have done.” No word yet on how the Singapore Straits Times would rate this latest apology.

Tell us what you think: If love means never having to say you’re sorry, does apologizing now mean you never have to accept responsibility?

12 Comments

What do you think? Leave a comment

• June 3, 2009 by Anita K Donahue

  I write this as sincerely as one can at the state of the times we live in. It is hard for me as a human being to see all of these people who have ripped off , lied and stolen from the people who work so hard and honestly for their money. I don't nor ever have thought it is okay to be abused in any way, but we must go back to what we are seeing on the internet and TV. We reward celebrities who are rude and act inappropriately, hey we give them TV shows. I admit that I watch a lot of news programs so that is all I know but I guess my point is, let your conscious be your guide, we all know right from wrong. If you can ignore your gut and not be responsible enough to know you messed up, don't say it publicly. I rather think these people are just being jerky, than know they are ball faced liars, at least the next person who does some terrible act can think. I have to take responsibility but not in a public forum, it breeds hate and contempt and it is showing up more everyday, just look at the newspaper and see how many people are killing their families because they believe there is no way out, they can't say I am sorry, "I lost my job and am worried how we will survive" or simply ask for help and not feel less just because the celebrity dogs on TV and are dressed in a more expensive outfit than you will ever make in your life. I get offended and angry at how little most people have and how much the elite 5% have, I know the look of a child who wishes so badly they too can get those $140.00 sneakers and deciding that there is no logic and that i will not be able to pay our rent or heat or gas or electric or phone and internet cell phones if we are lucky enough to have them. I think it is time to take the news off of the wealthy and really put it out the how it really is in the average world. Oh and i am sorry if I offended anyone but I have to go care for the less fortunate and my sympathy is only for them. Get it together,and also all these celebs who donate their stuff i.e concerts etc might just as well go to where they grew up and build a center for people who need anything...............No guts No glory

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• June 3, 2009 by Donald Randolph

  I agree with Ms. McManus and have found myself wondering just how sorry those who are trying to make amends for actions that required an intentional decision to do something that conflicts with societal norms. To be sorry is to identify that you have offended someone else, be it and individual, a person or even a deity you avow allegiance to. You are also required to make a promise not to do it again. Sometimes this seems a little shallow when considering the depth of the offense in certain cases and the number of people who have been offended or injured due to the action itself. When a person stands behind a podium and reads their apology with little or no indication of emotional involvement, they come across as false and unrepentant. On the other hand when the tears flow causing the audience to run for their umbrellas, the question of sincerity arises as well. So saying, if the offense is one that has consequences that can be remedied by sanctions, legal or civil, let the system decide the punishment. As far as the apologetic response from the offending party, we should accept it the first time without reserve and let the future tell us how honest they were when they made it.

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• June 6, 2009 by Sandy DeWitt

  True sorrow leads to repentance -- not just saying "sorry, sorry, sorry". Repentance means to stop doing whatever action you regret. The words, "I'm sorry," are important for us to hear; however, we wait to see what actions follow those words.

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• June 7, 2009 by Gene Kaufman

  I have a hard time understanding a victim saying 'I forgive you' ....Does that mean the victim removes the responsibility from the perpetrator for his actions ??

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  • June 30, 2009 by Brad

    Forgiveness has little to do with the person who perpetrated an act. Forgiveness is an action taken by a person who has been wronged that releases that person of any feelings over the issue. It allows that victim to move on. The perpetrator still has to take responsibility, sadly many do not.

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  • November 23, 2009 by David Cole

    Interesting words indeed! I've yet to, lucidly, come face-to-face with the gentleman who crossed a double yellow traffic insignia thus colliding with my bicycle and me- head-on and beginning my: 6 month coma, and the remainder of my life... just a little odd. Read: >The Iliad of the Odd D.C.< Take a trip along a road: Only the Chosen, the Strong, the Few (thank God); it would be a better world if even fewer-still, experienced this: death without actually dying. However, now, you can... experience just such a moment... by proxy! Read: The Iliad of the Odd D.C. E-missives: tbivictor@juno.com, author or my2bits@earthlink.net. my publisher Or, web mail to: www.mothershousepublishing.com Forgiveness has little to do with the person who perpetrated an act. Forgiveness is an action taken by a person who has been wronged that releases that person of any feelings over the issue. It allows that victim to move on. The perpetrator still has to take responsibility, sadly many do not.

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    • July 24, 2010 by David Cole

      Did I really write this? It required over a quarter of a Century to have written my book, The Iliad of the Odd D.C. I'm not really that old, am I? Or young? Or even im\mature. If you aren't looking it up because it sounds too fanciful, too unreal, maye even a little too heady. If you are reluctant to be curious about even your own death, I invite you to let me guide you through mine! If you've still got a head perched in the nap of your neck, you probably should bust your piggy bank, and order up a copy for Christmas! Christmas? For God's sake we've only just shot off fireworks! We're still waiting to go through the hall of horror. We've not yet saturated our minds with turkey and fallen asleep even in front of the most exciting game in town. Take your pick: Rose Bowl, Orange Bowl, Cotton Bowl, Hannalulu(sp) Bowl?

• June 13, 2009 by forgiveness

  Some people never apologize for anything they do that hurts, destroys, robs, manipulates, or betrays the lives of others. Or when these people do, they're only sorry they got caught and just move on, doing "their business" as usual lifestyle. That's when those with integrity, just trying to live their lives by treating others as they'd like to be treated, sometimes get used and abused in the process. And when there's an absence of (genuine) regret, remorse, or any other form of expression of compensation for the casualties of the offenders, This is when true forgiveness comes into play. When the victim chooses to forgive, completely, (and no one ever said it was easy) they break the chains of pain and sorrow that are locked around their hearts. It does not remove the responsibility from the perpetrator, but what it does do, is priceless. It somehow completely releases the "victim" from being emotionally and/or spiritually chained to the perpetrator. Which in turn, then allows for the transcending, transforming healing and peace of God to enter your heart. It's a win-win. With God, we can do all things.

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• June 25, 2009 by Brian Michael Mc Neil

  To have done something that warrants an apology, usually means one of two things. The act was done on purpose, with forethought, in which case from my experience, usually means, the person at first tends to be sorrier that they were caught, rather than for the act itself. Whereas, something done in the heat of the moment, no matter how extreme, can leave a person feeling so terrible, that even the act itself, of apologizing, brings no relief. I am generalizing, which I do not like to do. And I am speaking from my own personal experiences. This is merely my opinion, and based in no way on anything scientific, or statistical. I have found myself in the position of late, apologizing for a lot of things. Things that in some cases, are so bad, that even having apologized, brings no solace, to the people wronged, nor myself. The way I see it, you can say you're sorry all you want, but the proof is in the pudding. If you are truly repentant for the wrong you have done, then what are you doing to insure this will never happen again? Are you admitting that mistakes made, need to be learned from, and possible negative personality traits need to be examined, and changes need to be made? Are you being proactive in trying to do whatever is necessary, to make sure, that you never repeat these mistakes again? That is how you show you're sorry. No words can ever say, what actions can show. For me, this has meant a dramatic life change. Having lost everything, I have had to assess my life's position, and realize that things need to change. So I can ensure, that I do not hurt myself (i.e. drug use, alcohol abuse) or others (with hurtful words, or violent outbursts). For me this has meant, starting the long road of treatment, for the underlying causes of these problems. And I hope to one day know why I did the things I did, and be confident that I will never do them again. And that the people I have hurt will see that I know what I did to them, and how it affected them. And that I was truly sorry enough for it, that I did what was necessary to change, and then maybe they will see my apology as sincere. In short, when you find yourself using the word sorry, you should be looking at what you did, and why you did it, and what you can DO to SHOW the person wronged, that you understand what you did was wrong, and you will make every effort to see it doesn't happen again, that is truly being sorry. Anything short of that, is just words. In my opinion anyway.

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• February 22, 2010 by Stacy Marshall

  The president and all his merry men owe us action, not more broken promises. We are the taxpayers we deserve better!! As for apologies by celebrities-They owe us no apologies for what goes on in their personal lives. "LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN, CAST THE FIRST STONE" What happens in the marraige of Tiger Woods is not our business!!He is human, he answers only to his wife, the women he hurt(that knew he was married and did it anyway!shame on you)and the Good Lord above. So get on with your lives and leave them to pick up the pieces of their messes.

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• February 22, 2010 by Lynn Powlistha

  I personnally think it is none of our buisness. I believe that that is personal between the people involved. I say leave them alone unless ofcourse you are ready to open up your closet doors and tell all about you

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• June 16, 2010 by Cheap Insurance Quotes

  its so easy all you have to do is stall time…………

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