The Responsibility Project^®. Exploring what it means to do the right thing

Should a Dead Man Become a Dad?

93 Comments

July 28, 2009 by Kathy McManus

Nikolas Evans was a 21-year-old college student when he was attacked outside an Austin bar and fell to the ground, hitting his head. He died ten days later. He had no wife, no children, and no fiancé.

Should he now become a father?

In a case that has raised as many eyebrows as ethical questions, Nikolas Evans’s mother went to court and obtained a judge’s order allowing her dead son’s sperm to be collected so that she could have a surrogate produce a grandchild for her.

“I just thought about how much I loved my son and how much I loved raising him, and how sad I was that he wasn’t going to be here anymore,” Marissa Evans said. “And if I could find a way to have a grandbaby to raise, that it might make my heart heal a little.”

Ms. Evans—who also has a 22-year-old son—said Nikolas often spoke of having three boys, and had even chosen names for them: Hunter, Tod, and Van. “As the mother of a son I knew so well,” she said, “I feel he would have wanted me to do this.”

While Nikolas Evans may have told his mother he wanted children someday, a philosophy professor said, it’s wrong to assume he also would have wanted to father a child posthumously if he died prematurely. “This is a tough way for a kid to come into the world,” said a university ethicist. “As the details emerge and the child learns more about their origins, I just wonder what the impact will be on a ‘replacement child.’”

Though legal experts and medical ethicists say the case may be precedent-setting, for many it remains unsettling. “Imagine a close relative strip-mining your body for the material to create children you never consented to have,” said a Texas newspaper editorial. “Privacy rights end when you die, of course, but to have one’s next of kin making such a profound, and profoundly intimate, choice for one after death will strike many people as a gross violation of personal sovereignty.”

Tell us what you think: Is pursuing a grandchild in this manner responsible? Should there be laws to govern the use of a deceased son’s sperm? If so, what should the legal boundaries be?

93 Comments

What do you think? Leave a comment

• July 31, 2009 by Nicole

  I think that they should let the mother get sperm for her son and have a grandchild. I dont see what the harm would be. If the mother is deem fit to raise a baby then who are we to judge. If you were in this situation what would you do?

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  • November 7, 2011 by teaisstronger

    IF HE CAN STILL VOTE DEMOCRAT IN ELECTIONS EVEN THOUGH HE IS DEAD, THEN HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE A CHILD

    So many people now vote from the grave that people are starting to believe in Zombies.

    TEA

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    • November 17, 2011 by Leaf

      Yea, all the dead ppl that voted for bush switched parties... If you can change your vote posthumously then why not have kids...

      All jokes aside, legally this is no biggie. Ethically, and such it is a conundrum as well as creepy.

  • November 26, 2011 by Really People?!

    How would everyone feel about the mother "harvesting" sperm from her LIVING son? Sick, right? Even way sicker to "harvest" sperm from a several-days-dead (at least several days -- how long do things take to go through court? huh?) son's body.

    This woman needs counseling, and if I were her other still-living son I would quickly get myself an attorney to do all my estate planning and absolutely ban that woman from having any access to my dead body if I should pre-decease her.

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• August 3, 2009 by Naz

  I think she should let the dead be dead. Her son is dead, it is a sad thing. I have children too, so i can imagine her pain, i truly can, but to think that he wanted children therefore have them once he is dead. I can understand her desire to have a grandchild of his to have his essence but not like this. She should move on and remember him and tell her other's sons' children(when he has some) of this son and how great their deceased uncle was. I hope that the courts will decide to not let the dead be disturbed.

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  • November 2, 2011 by Becky

    Couldn't have been said any better. I feel for this mother (I have only one child-a son) and would be devastated if I lost him; however, this mother needs to let her son rest in peace and not try to "replace" him with another.

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  • November 26, 2011 by phenomenalblessings

    It's her decision regardless of what anyone else thinks. The court allowed her to harvest the sperm so she can do with it what she wants. Deceased sperm donors continue to produce children and nobody has a problem with that. So people need to let this woman be and let her decide what's right for her and her family

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• August 3, 2009 by diane elizabeth mcneely

  if you have not noticed.....there are way too many children in need without food and electricity and essential basics....God ultimately decides who lives and dies so who are we to top Him????? Children are not replacements for living or dead...children grow up and move on...there is no contract to keep them in your lives after they are grown. It is best to help other children in your neighborhood or big brothers or sisters or other means than adding to the problem of unwanted children. So many foster children ...so few homes....think about it. Pray about it and do not be selfish in your thoughts of what you want but rather what a child needs...to heal your heart you need time and peace. Your other son has needs also ...have you considered him and his broken heart? this is a huge decision that cannot be undone.....i will keep you in our prayers...

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  • November 2, 2011 by Becky

    AMEN

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  • November 6, 2011 by Eric

    You are offbase, this is hardly a child that will be unwanted and the foster system has nothing to do with this. This is obviously about a caring family, not a debate about abandoned children in the world.

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    • November 14, 2011 by Pat Schneider

      True it is not a question of the children of the world. Regarding her son, it is her decision, I have lost a son and sometimes wonder about that littel red head son he might have had, but would i try and replace him the answer is no, he is now in God's hands and as much as I might want him to have a son, its not going to happen and it was for a reason. God Bless you.

  • November 27, 2011 by ms hawaii808

    It is what it is. God's plans are not always our plans. She needs to let go..and move on. She has her other son, and there are lots of children that need and can be loved that other's throw away. She can start there!

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• August 3, 2009 by Lynn

  Why does it always seem to be the people who comment on 'god & prayer' who are the most fanatical, judgemental and full of fear? I find it ironic. I do not have children myself but I do have the clarity to understand I know nothing of this women or of her son or of their relationship together. Nor would I attempt to fill in the details of the situation based on my own situation, life and opinion. That is the beauty of life, we all get to choose what is best for us and what we need to be happy. How about we all prayer for other peoples happiness, freedom and wisdom to make the choices they need to have the life they want? And while we're at it, prayer for ourselves to have enough humility, openess and love to understand we are all individuals with different needs... Yes, that sounds nice.

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  • August 3, 2009 by Vix

    I suggest to you that the purpose of this blog is for people to express thier opinions on the matter at hand and that is what is happening. In this case my opinion is that this is not a responsible thing to do. A good way to remember her son would be to create a fund of some sort with the money that would other wise be spent to add another child to the world... I am not saying I am correct and you are not, I am expresing my opinion on the subject matter.

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    • October 13, 2011 by MajWilliamMartin

      She did Create a FUND, a Living HUMAN FUND. MONEY WILL NOT BUY HAPPINESS. Do you work on WALL STREET>? Spend Spend Spend. Like it was said, If you want to sit here and CONDEMN fine. Yes this i.e. Blog is for discussions, Yet it is better to remain quiet and thought a Fool then to speak up and remove all doubt.

      My Grandpa used to say, "If you don't like my Gate, Then don't Swing on it."

      It is not you issue, So leave it alone, Be Positive and wish her well. Of something evil will happen to you. KARMA is Hell.

• August 3, 2009 by Lynn Bain

  I do understand the purpose of the blog. I am curious... what specifically makes her decision 'not responsible'? She could ideally start a fund and conceive a grandchild as well. Maybe she has already started a fund. It seems this is more about an attachment to her family and the possiblity to recover some of what might have been. As we advance with technology, we gain the potential and opportunity to recover things that might have been. I realize, the only way to truly know what her son would have wanted is to have asked him directly but since that is no longer possible, wouldn't the person or persons who knew him best and were closest to him, have the best insight into what he would have wanted? If a child could be brought into the world from love and brought into a supportive and loving environment, wouldn't that child have a headstart over many other children born under 'normal' circumstances into unloving family environments? I don't believe the issue is so black and white. It would depend on many different factors. And I agree that we are both just stating our opinions, mine just happens to allow the person to have the freedom to choose what is best for themselves.

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• August 4, 2009 by Issa Abdulkadir

  We don't make decisions for the dead nor for the living. We are created as individuals so that we live our lives as responsible and independent thinkers. We are not here to bear the burden of others. Therefore it is not right for that mother to decide what her son should have on this earth. Since God didn't give her sons offspring while he was alive, it is not suitable for a person to act or interfere with the super natural events. I think it better for her to start a charity organization in honor of her deceased son. The rest is to Almighty.

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• August 5, 2009 by Roosevelt Pied

  I don't think it is wise to Inprenate the girl with the dead boy's sperm. How would the child feel when he gets old enough to be told how he became to be born? I just think that it is wrong to do this. I also believe that it is wrong because the farther might have change his mine and didn't want any children.

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• August 5, 2009 by Roosevelt Pied

  Again, I don't think it is right for the girl to be made pregnant by artificially injecting the boy's sperm.

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• August 5, 2009 by cassandra nash

  I feel that things that are suppose to happen will happen, with that said if she is suppose to have a grandchild by her deceased son than everything will work out for her. My sister lost a son ten years before she passed away herself and she never one day not missed that son, so maybe this is what that mother needs to do to have a piece of her son. I know as people are filled with so many different emotions, about what we think as a society as being wrong or right, and a lot of things we see as wrong is just our own personal view of the situation. I say pray about the situation and God will work it out for you if its in His plan for you. I have been blessed with four son's and two of them have already blessed me with a grandchild each, I enjoy them so much and they are a blessing in my life.

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• August 6, 2009 by Mildred Samba

  Why can't she just adopt a child. There are millions of children looking for homes!

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• August 8, 2009 by Kevin Pittman

  I don't believe that this woman should be alllowed to save her son's sperm. What's done is done it's not like he was her only child besides God knows what's best in the end. I'm sorry for her loss but she has another child that can give her grandchilren.

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• August 9, 2009 by william arndt

  It is my feeling that GOD's plan for this young man was to carry on elsewhere. If GOD didn't bless the mother, of the unfortunate, with a grandchild that she shouldn't pursue the matter. GOD will provide her with another means to be a grandparent. Contact "Foster Grandparents", be the neighborhood gramma or even help at an orphanage, boys and girls club, or even at the elementary school. Just because the child isn't your blood doesn't mean that you can't be a grandparent to someone in need. I have many freinds with kids that call me "uncle Bill" and their children that call me grandpa. I know that it isn't the same, but if GOD wanted it, GOD would have provided it. I am sorry for loss and my prayers are with you

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