The Responsibility Project^®. Exploring what it means to do the right thing

Separation Anxiety: On Sending the Kids to Camp

19 Comments

September 2, 2008 by Kathy McManus

What do you call someone who’s immersed in summer sleep-away camp, is lonely and annoying, and demands attention from camp personnel almost every day?

A parent.

Worse than poison ivy, today’s camp parents are itching to control every aspect of their children’s daily lives at camp--the very place meant to teach independence and responsibility _away_ from Mom and Dad.

“It kills them not to know that Johnny’s on the basketball court right now, or in the bathroom, or changing his shirt,” says a camp association executive. “Parents expect a totally different kind of communication than they did years ago.”

And at so-called “high end” sleep-away camps—which charge $10,000 summer “tuition”—parents get special treatment from a “parent coordinator,” one of whom describes her job as “almost like a hotel concierge listening to a client’s needs.”

Those needs often include parents’ demands for instant access to their kids, through webcams, cell phones, texting and email. Some parents try to bypass camp directors entirely by smuggling cell phones to their children in hollowed-out books or sewn into stuffed animals. Camp counselors and administrators--in addition to their primary job of looking after their young charges--spend hours each day taking and posting pictures of kids for their high-maintenance parents.

“I have parents calling and saying they saw their child in the background of a picture of other children and he didn’t look happy, or his face looked red, has he been putting on enough suntan lotion, or I haven’t seen my child and I have seen a lot of other children, is my child so depressed he doesn’t want to be in a picture?” says a long-time camp director.

Why the increase in parents-gone-wild? “Nobody goes to school for how to send your child away from you,” explains a parent liaison, noting that in a post-9/11 world, parents need help to “become independent.” In fact, says another camp director, homesick campers aren’t nearly as big a problem as “kid-sick” parents.

Tell us what you think: Should summer camps return to the days of no cameras, no cell phones, no parents? Do parents have a right to know how their kids are spending their time away from home?

19 Comments

What do you think? Leave a comment

• September 5, 2008 by John Larsen

  My father was part of the greatest generation, lived through the depression, farmed, his brother served in WWII as did 2 other uncles. Dad wasn't much on hugs or saying "I love you..." But I always knew he did. But the greatest lessons from my dad were giving me a strong work ethic and independence. I went to summer camps from 6th grade through middle school. I never heard from them all week and it was great. I never felt neglected because I was too busy having fun and working things out with other campers and camp councilors, who were just a few years older than me. There is a real danger here when this generation of helicopter parents take it upon themselves to over indulge themselves and their children with this kind of behavior. The danger is a generation of self absorbed kids, who never truly do anything on their own, and who never learn independence. They can't learn to resolve their problems because the parents always do it for them. One of the worst things about this is the example these parents set for their children, the idea that rules don't apply to them. I feel sorry for these kids. Great, just what America needs another generation of selfish, dependent children who never really learn to think and truly do on their own.

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• September 7, 2008 by Rusty Speidel

  We have sent our son away for three weeks every summer for the last 5 years. While there is some initial trepidation as we drop him off, we are always greeted at the end of the session by a more confident, well-mannered, appreciative, and thoughtful version of the person we "abandoned" three weeks earlier. Send them away, and then stay out of the way! It works a lot better if you let camp do its work alone.

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• September 12, 2008 by Tara Hunter

  When I was younger, my parents gave me every opportunity they could (within reason) to learn independence. They sent me away to summer camps (granted, they were no longer than 2 week sessions), they put me on planes by myself to visit friends and family, they sent me overseas to explore different cultures, etc. Today, I attempt to do the same with my child. She has been going to resident summer camp for the past 3 years (she's 10), she's flown overseas to spend the summer with cousins --she's learning to be independent. If these parents don't learn to take a step back and let go, these children are going to be the same ones who can't fend or think for themselves as they grow into adulthood. Please, let them grow up with a little space.

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• September 22, 2008 by Alan Winter

  When a child goes to camp, there should be no interaction between the kids and parents except for daily mail and possibly a parents day for the summer long camps. As a former camper and camp staff person, getting the kids to appreciate their freedom was one of our daily challenges. Let the kids be, they will learn for themselves with the guidance of the camp staff what they need to do. If there is a problem, the camp has policies (or better have) to contact the parents.

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• September 23, 2008 by Emily

  I'm glad to see everyone thinks camp should mean freedom for kids. Certainly it's one of the main reasons I like to go to camp--to get away from my parents for a couple weeks and learn how to deal without. Some of the kids at my camp this summer had smuggled in cell phones or iPods, which I think is despicable--especially at a wilderness camp. But hey, if they want to ruin the experience, that's their problem! Not so much when it's the interfering parents who are ruining things.

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• October 8, 2008 by Saritha Clements

  What are parent teaching their children when they "sneak" cell phones into camp against camp rules? How much time/staff is taken away from providing activities and supervising campers when parents have to handled on the phone or via email? I read about one camp where they actually hired a person as a "parent liaison" to personally handle all the calls/emails. Ridiculous! Children went to camp for years and years without cell phones. They need the freedom and independence from their families - that's what going to camp is all about!

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• November 2, 2008 by mvctc

  I am sixteen years old, and I have been going to summer camp since I was ten. I have been a camp counselor for the past two years, and I love the whole experience, and the best part (by far) is the independence. I love it, and I don’t think that the kids should have to put up with this kind of attention. Sun burn is all part of camp, and yeah, it’s not all fun, but it will make you stronger. Let your kids go to camp. Don’t be a helicopter parent - I think was the term. Your kids won’t like it; they won’t have as much fun, and also, I don’t see why you pay 10 grand to send your kid to a high and mighty camp, when they should be sleeping on the ground in a tent, not in a cabin, with electric and a/c. that’s not camping; that’s not even getting away from your parents - that is like being left home with a babysitter while your parents are out of the state.

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• April 21, 2009 by John Simmons

  I see from the other posters that a great many of you enjoyed the summer camp experience. As someone that has been there and done that I am here to tell you that I went for three summers. I watched helpless as a young man was fondled, and counselors 'bounced' each other on the bed without swim suits on. I also flew by myself as a 12 year old and remember in vivid detail how hungry and scared I was with my sister at JAX while I ran through my mind what we could do with no money. I will not pawn that responsibility on anyone else. I do not 'do' much for my child. I encourage him to read instructions, and ask if he understands them. If he doesn't I go over it with him. As a parent you are accountable for that child.

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• April 22, 2009 by Anna Lil

  Having cell phones is okay in case of an emergency (though I assume that the camp can provide in case of an emergency) though if one were to bring a cell phone I think that the phones should be given to a cabin leader or such so that the children can focus on the outdoors and really getting away from what they do every day. The parents should be able to trust their children enough so that does not have to call every five minutes. If the parents can't trust their children enough to let them alone for a while, they should not have let them go to camp. Also concerning the fact that the parents are asking a *parent coordinator* about how their children are doing, when they could wait a week to get their own child's view on the matter when they come home. A child has to learn to become independent how are they supposed to start to let go if their parent is helping them along the way. Help is not bad but the child has to try to solve whatever is going on themselves rather than always depending on their parents to solve their problems. I can understand that the parents are worried about their children and how they are doing; though they should be able to trust their child and the camp enough so that they do not worry too much.

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• April 26, 2009 by james hargoes

  Parents should just trust their children. I mean, there are adults there supervising the events.

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• May 29, 2009 by Peter Ross

  Parents send children away to summer camp so they can build confidence, independence and develop a sense of self. The last thing they need are phone calls every day and iPod Touches receiving email and playing video. I miss the letter writing days of old. Moreover, we should all comment on the following Forbes article: http://www.forbes.com/2009/05/28/summer-vacation-kids-activities-forbes-woman-time-camp.html. Talk about off base!

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• June 20, 2009 by christine turner

  I'm a single mother looking for something for my preteen daughter to do during the summer months out of school. I really didn't get a chance to read all of the blogs, but I had an idea that sounds like a winner for parents who can't afford to send their kids to summer camp. I thought of a youth volunteer services. All I would need to do is find places to commit to allowing teen girls and boys volunteer in their place of business like a daycare center, nursing homes, greenhouses or something like that. Maybe someone reading this blog could come up with an idea to get my idea off the floor. Check in your local area to see if there is a program that could be put together to find these kids something to do they need some responsibility so that they're not getting into trouble.

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