Mothering v. Smothering
May 8, 2008 by Kathy McManus
Mothering without smothering.
That’s the responsible balance Lenore Skenazy was seeking when she recently allowed her 9-year-old son to ride the New York City subway alone for the first time.
As a writer for the New York Sun newspaper, Skenazy penned a column about why she fully supported young Izzy’s desire to undertake his solo ride-of-passage. “Over-protectiveness is a danger in and of itself,” she wrote. “A child who thinks he can’t do anything on his own eventually can’t.”
Armed with a map, a subway fare card, and emergency cash but no cell phone, Izzy navigated the underground, transferred to a city bus, and arrived home, unescorted and unperturbed.
The kid was exhilarated.
The mother was excoriated.
“Sending your nine-year-old on the subway alone: child abuse?” begged a typical newspaper headline. A radio show caller wondered how Skenazy could give her son “a day of fun that would probably end in death.” And on the Today Show, an introduction to her was point-blank: “Is she an enlightened mom, or a really bad one?”
Bad or good, Skenazy had re-ignited an old debate about determining when a child is old enough to take on the world alone. In a follow-up newspaper column she titled “America’s Worst Mom?” Skenazy wrote, “People kept pulling me aside to say that they had been allowed to get around by themselves as kids.” But there was a dramatic generational twist. “In the next breath they admitted: They would never let their kids do the same.”
All of which prompted America’s worst mom to launch a blog called Free Range Kids, which she hopes will also launch a movement of “sane parenting.” Free Range’s mission statement gives a nod to protection--“We believe in helmets, car seats and safety belts”--but also a wink to future solo subway-riding kids: “We do NOT believe that every time school age children go outside, they need a security detail.”
Tell us what you think: What’s the responsible way to take off the training wheels and let kids go solo into their everyday world?
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446 Comments
What do you think? Leave a comment
May 9, 2008 by Kina Barnum
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November 14, 2011 by contraryjim
This article is necessary as your reply indicates.
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November 14, 2011 by redmon
I think that you should teach your child everything that you can about life as soon as possible and letting him go out and ride public transpotation is a great way to teach responsibility, he is half grown in 9 more years he will need the tips, I bet if she said she let him test drive the family Benz at nine, you all would have been all for it.....
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November 21, 2011 by Monique Manna
I left my 10 year old daughter home alone for 45 minutes in the morning because I had to go to work and drop two off at daycare in another town. I would call her twice on my trip, to see if she was okay and to make sure she went out to catch the bus in time. My ex-husband got wind of this and called child services - I was told she was too young and I had to make arrangements for daycare in the morning. I asked these people about what happens to all those "latch key" children in the city. Social Services really couldn't answer that. My daughter was fine, I did get her daycare thought because the state said I had to. Nine is very young to be putting on a subway alone, but the parents know their children best, some are more mature than others.
November 22, 2011 by Jaelyn
@Monique Mama
What state do you live in? I am in Ca and there is no specific age that it is okay to be left alone, it is based upon parental discretion. While I admit this can be bad if the child has bad parents, but it helps responsible parents make the best decisions for their child. For us, our 9yr old is very grown up for his age and we began leaving him home alone while we ran errands (usually an hr or less) when he was 8. I do call to check in on him and he knows my cell # and that he can call me anytime for any reason. Now that he is 9, we have stretched it to 2 hrs alone without incident. I would NOT say every 8 yr old is capable of being alone, for instance he has a cousin that is 10 and I would not leave her home alone if my life depended on it. Likewise our younger daughter is 6 and I doubt she will be responsible enough to be left alone at 8 as our son was. Every child is different.
While I would be terrified to let my child ride the subway at 9, it is hard for me to judge because I am not from that area and all I know about the subway is the negatives I see on tv/movies. It might be very commonplace. Our son has flown on a 5 hr flight alone before and was perfectly fine (at age 6), but again I would NOT subject the attendants/passengers to my daughter alone on a flight. I guess the equivalent here would be for me to let our son walk home or ride a bike home from a friend's house, which he does...all the time. One is even a few miles away. I did give him a cell phone though, alone with emergency cash, and pepper spray...just in case. While we live in a relatively "safe" smaller town, you just never know.
I think that maturity is part chemistry and part how they are raised. Our kiddos are homeschooled and they not only excel in academics, they both could "survive" on their own in an emergency. They both know how to safely cook basic meals (our son can cook a more elaborate 3 course dinner), do laundry, clean the house, grocery shop on a budget, they both maintain their own checking/savings accounts and are very diligent about setting aside their tithe (of their own choice, we never said they had to but rather explained that we do and why), and are very responsible about tending to their daily personal care needs without being told.
All in all I say give your child as much room to grow (and...gasp...fail) in a "controlled" setting. If it means they are freezing cold on an outting because they chose not to take their coat, then...let them be cold. They will survive. If they choose a less healthy option for a snack/meal...let them...they will have to deal with the tummy ache, weight gain, etc. Give them the info they need to make good choices then give them the freedom to make them...even if they are not what you would have chosen for them. Think about this...in the colonial times kids where put to work with household chores (including girls being able to sew) at at 2! By 9, they were considered "grown up", were finished with school, and were able to fully run a household. While I know this would not work in society today, there should be a middle ground between that and molly-coddling them so that when they are out on their own they fail miserably, having no real skills to fall back on. Also for those who say kids need to be allowed to be kids, there is a BIG difference between learning responsibility and being forced to grown up too soon. My kiddos are the biggest fun-loving kiddos around, yet they know how to live responsibly as well.
November 25, 2011 by Barbara
JAELYN, I also live in CA. your comment is somewhat correct. If something were to happen to your son, you could be charged with a crime (could be). You and your son would have to prove to CPS he was capable and responsible to be left alone. CPS runs you thru different scenarios to see how/what he'd do with the given situation. I don't know your son, and I believe your assessment of him, nor am I judging you! I just know CPS' standards, and each worker, of course, has their own 'ideas' of how well he handles situations and we know CPS can make odd judgements. I'm only wanting you to have this info, I don't mean to steps on your toes, just an FYI. Kudos to the teachings you've given your boy! Good work.
December 2, 2011 by Raychel
I live in Texas and I thought we had specific laws to what age and how long children can be left alone this is what I got from the Texas dept of family and protective services:
How old must a child be to be left home alone?
Answer: Supervision of children is basic to the prevention of harm. Adequate supervision means an adult caregiver is accountable for the child's care. Although, there is no Texas law that defines a specific age at which a child may be left home alone, there are several factors that should be taken into consideration when deciding how closely to supervise a child, including:
the age, emotional maturity and capability of the child; layout and safety of the home, play area, or other setting; neighborhood circumstances, hazards, and risks; the child's ability to respond to illness, fire, weather, or other types of emergencies; and whether the child has a mental, physical, or medical disability. The number of children left unsupervised, the accessibility to other responsible adults, the length of time or frequency with which the child is left alone, and the child's knowledge of the parent's whereabouts are additional relevant factors.
My daughter is 14 and it's only been in the last couple of years that I will leave her home alone for any extended time (more than two hours) but we're usually only a few miles away (husband and I have date night once a month) we all have cell phones and I always make sure the neighbor will be home in case of an emergency.
December 4, 2011 by Greg
Monique, I agree with you. At 10 I believe it is okay to leave a child home alone for short period. After all, by 13 they could be babysitting. I have reservations about letting them go out on their own. It depends on where. I lived in NYC as a child and rode the buses and subways. I did get assaulted/robbed about once a year. So a nine year old on the subway is in my opinion too risky.
December 11, 2011 by JimL1
When I was six years old, we lived in Philadelphia, PA and I started school in Camden NJ. This entailed a block and a half walk to catch a trolley, a trolley ride to where I crossed a major street and caught a subway train, a change in subway trains, and finally a block and a half walk from the subway stop to school. My older sister, age 12, accompanied me the first few times and after that I was on my own. My parents taught us to be responsible and to act accordingly, and we did the same for our children. At the age of ten our oldest daughter safely babysat the younger four children. What is the big deal?
December 16, 2011 by Lola
In response to Greg, I find it amazing that you were robbed/assaulted once a year while living in NYC I was born and raised there and traveled alone on public transportation and have never been robbed or assaulted.
December 23, 2011 by Jeanette Nelson
I am of the mind set that this world is a lot different than the world we grew up in. It is not even conceivable to imagine that letting a nine year old navigate the streets and subways on his own is a good idea in this day and age. I agree with the principle of the thing. However, my philosophy is to give my children the freedom to learn independence within some safety boundaries. For example, I allow my girls to go out and navigate the subways now and have for sometime, but they have to do so in, at least pairs if not all three together. My girls started riding the train in Germany at the age of 11, 9 and 7. Naturally, they were all together and we mapped out how many stops they had before they got off, etc. There dad was there to meet them at the other end. They had a cell phone too, just in case they needed reassurance. Now my girls are completely independent on subways. I think things like this should be taken in incremental steps.
December 29, 2011 by Alyssa
I think we also have to recognize that a 9 year old in New York City is not the same as a 9 year old in Wichita. These kids are used to the bustle of the big city. They're smarter about who and who not to interact with. I support this mom.
December 29, 2011 by Alyssa
@Jeanette, crime has actually been on a decline since the 80's, especially violent crime. You think the world is so much worse today because you are exposed to it incessantly, through the 24-hour news cycle, internet, etc. where you weren't before. It's actually safer now than 20 or 30 years ago.
November 17, 2011 by kelly mclaughlin
YIKES! Can we start on a smaller scale? Lets say ride your bike to the local market, and home. Maybe wait to do New York, when the kid is ohhhh say 16-17, so if he IS mugged he has a fighting chance to defend himself.
Agreed with previous comment, which now I cant see the name of the person, but this women is a writer, and just wanted a story. Shame on her for expoiting her own child!
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November 23, 2011 by Jennifer Low
Apparently the writer lives in New York: people there get around by public transportation. The story suggests that the kid was taking a path that he had taken many times with a parent. Most people in the city don't get mugged--you don't need pepper spray (hope the person who said that was joking!). I wouldn't let a kid walk through a bad neighborhood or an unfamiliar one, but there is nothing to indicate that the mom did either of these things.
November 26, 2011 by Helen
Wait until a kid is 16 or 17 to ride the subway? Are you insane? Clearly you DON'T live in NYC. I was taking the bus and train to school everyday since I was 9 years old!
December 4, 2011 by Laird Popkin
You have some misconceptions about subways and living in New York City.
First, NYC is actually an extremely safe city to live in - crime rates are at historic lows, and life in NYC is safer than pretty much any other major city. Yes, things were bad in the 80's, when there was a crack-fueled crime wave, but things are great now, and have been for a decade.
Second, subways are how people in NYC routinely travel - much faster and safer than driving.
Kids in NYC take the mass transit system all the time. The only difference in this case is that the parent wrote about it in a blog post, and a bunch of people who don't live here, and who think that NYC and subways are dangerous because they think that TV crime shows reflect reality, freaked out.
December 11, 2011 by Cindy
No solo subway rides until 16-17? That's funny! If that were the case, I wonder how I would have gotten to high school at 13 with and parents who had to be at work at the same time I had to be at school. In NYC, they kick you off the school bus once your reach a certain age, and there's certainly no school bus in high school. So if you want to go to a school that's further than walking distance, you get a student metro card and you take the bus or the train. No big deal. Now a 9 year old, I'm not so sure about, but I would leave that up to the discretion of the parent. She has a better idea than we do about what her son can/can't handle.
November 24, 2011 by Phil O
The reason we have all those losers in "occupy wall street" is because they are entitlement laden bratts who never had to do or be responsible for themselves. As a result, many of our so-called "millennials" expect things to be dropped at their feet, instead of knowing how and what to do in a variety of situations. These "occupy" kids cant even articulate what is is that they DO want. I'm not saying subway at 9 years old...but maybe. Certainly, people cannot keep their kids in ivory towers until they're 30....which is exactly what people are doing.
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November 27, 2011 by Acquireitnow
I am a single mom now after the loss of my husband. He was a New Yorker who traveled as did his siblings, niece and nephew on public transportation in NYC at ages as young as ten. We live in the Phila. Metro area and I have allowed my daughter to travel to specific destinations since she was thirteen- but the nine year old only goes with her or myself when we walk or ride public transportation. You do your kids a disservice if you do not prepare them the access the world - even if they do it in small doses.
November 28, 2011 by Lulu
I don't get the chip on this woman's shoulder. There is something about her defensiveness on this subjct that remnds me of a child sticking their fingers in their ears and shouting "I'm not listening!"
If she truly had the child's best interest's at heart, she'd have done this in steps. Pair him with a friend, or let him go one stop away the first time. No cell phone? That's another indication she was just out to prove something.
She has clearly not done her homework in regards to vulnerability to pedaphiles. While girls are most prone to molestation beginning at age 5, for boys it is ages 9 to 14.
FWIW, my mother died when I was young and from then on, we had no restrictions as to safety. There were MANY incidents where I was put at grave risk by this. When I had my children ( now 20 ds and 16 dd), I didn't know what was appropriate, because I'd never had it myself. I found a terrific source to learn from - the BSA. Even if you have no sons or aren't a fan of the BSA, consider that they manage to keep millions of boys ( and teenage girls, in their Venturing programs) safe every year. I followed their lead, in regards to safety and always found it spot on. At the age this bitter writer stuck her child on a subway for a day, the BSA would have had him still in cub scouts, doing crafts with his mother. They know that 11 is a far better age for a boy to be taking on responsibilities that include a bit of freedom ( at age 11, the BSA would still have paired the boy with a buddy). BSA rules have had very few rule changes in 100 years. So much for the claim that we're more protective today. That's a myth. We were ALWAYS more protective in crowded areas full of strangers - we just have more of those now.
Parenting isn't about following or bucking trends and reacting to the news, or grandstanding for attention like Jessica Dubrouf's father did and this writer is. It's about knowing what is developmentally appropriate and about knowing our individual child and whether they need extra time to mature. Children expect this of their mothers, and accept that we do occassionally err on the side of protectiveness, because they know it comes from motherly love. That is a quotient that was disturbingly absent from this article.
November 29, 2011 by Patti
That is so much Bullspit-folks there are from all political parties and in all age groups.Folks are there because they have common ground, and entitlement is the very least of it!
December 4, 2011 by Janette
I think the reader commenting about "Occupy Wall Street" has some huge problems very unrelated to this article. Occupy Wall Street has nothing to do with children gaining independence. As another said Occupy Wall Street has people of all ages involved, some as young as 11 yrs participating to people as old as 80+.
I fully support Occupy Wall Street AND I was left alone (or with my sister) as young as 6 due to the fact our mother died when I was in infancy and there simply was no-one to look after us. I was very responsible and never came to any harm however saying this I raised a child in NYC and I would not have let him ride on a subway by hiimself at 9 years old especially without a cell phone. There are just too many variables involved and I could not live with myself if anything happened. I think 11 years old is a much more mature age to be doing such a thing. I see quite a few kids at this age going to school in the subways by themselves and all seem very responsible. They usually are accompanied by a friend or sibling which is also the way responsible parenting - allowing the reins of freedom so they can mature and develop successfully but also so they are safe. There is a fine line and it does need to be crossed, over-parenting is not healthy for a child but safety as a parent should always come first.
We should also remember that while kids did do many more things at very young ages a century ago they were also often neglected, abused and many times hurt, even killed. Children on farms tend to work at a young age but they are taught and supervised and NYC is a different animal to a country expanse.
December 9, 2011 by Step
Phil O., First, stop watching FOX, get off the couch and go down to see who really is involved in Occupy. Talk with them and you might be surprised at how articulate they are about what they see as an inherent unfairness in a society that has moved back to a time where only the rich had access to government. The fact that there are young people involved here is a good thing given the narcissism and cynicism of our generation. They at least believe in something even if the ideas are not crafted as well as the Koch brother's tea party (which also lacked a coherent message until they co-opted it)
In any case, as a parent who lives in NYC, I am mixed about letting my kid ride alone at 9 because there is a certain randomness to the daily commute that I would like to protect her from and not really anyone in authority in each car. I am more comfortable with her on city bus (which she has to take to school.) I have to remind myself that at 9 I was walking to school (in the suburbs) three miles away alone. I also remember a friend telling me a story about how he used to watch Arab children as young as 4 herding sheep in the Middle East. A lot of what our kids are capable of is based on what we expect of them.
December 11, 2011 by JimL1
When I was six years old, we lived in Philadelphia, PA and I started school in Camden NJ. This entailed a block and a half walk to catch a trolley, a trolley ride to where I crossed a major street and caught a subway train, a change in subway trains, and finally a block and a half walk from the subway stop to school. My older sister, age 12, accompanied me the first few times and after that I was on my own. My parents taught us to be responsible and to act accordingly, and we did the same for our children. At the age of ten our oldest daughter safely babysat the younger four children. What is the big deal? As for us who are involved in and/or support Occupy Wall Street, you are obviously out of touch. It is Wall Street that is out of control and is ruining this country and must be stopped if our middle class is to survive. The rich have been getting richer and the poor have been getting poorer for much too long.
December 15, 2011 by peter
I would say at the age of about 12 give or take one year either way should be a good starting age for allowing children to start to be on there own and doing things on thier own. I mean heck, at the age of 16 they are driving. I did alot at age 9 and 10 by myself but lets face it, there are alot more preachers out today that like little kids than in the 60's. and these preachers are the ones we dont like.
November 30, 2011 by pam
I don't understand why Americans make such a big deal out of sending kids out by themselves. They are not dumb... even now in places like Japan and Hong Kong kids learn to go to places by themselves when they are nine.
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December 4, 2011 by Jo
Then you shouldn't have read it once you saw the headline, then commented on it. How you geniuses figure out how to log on is beyond me. This is an age old question that many new parents are always looking for.
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December 4, 2011 by font9a
"She should *have* said..." not She should *of* said..."
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December 5, 2011 by Rey clarke
I personally thinks that in this generational, age one has to take all the necessary precaution to protect and prevent our children from winding-up on any ones MILK CONTAINER CARTON.
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December 29, 2011 by Alyssa
Your perception that things are worse (meaning crime) for this generation is false. There has been a steady decrease in crime across the country and particularly in NYC since the late 80's. It was the generation of the 70's and 80's that you should've worried the most about.
December 22, 2011 by angela
i am a mother of a 11 yr old boy and no way would i let my child alone on a new york subway . to dangerous . this is not about over protective its about the safety of a child . i am sorry but everyday you turn on tv or in newspaper child missing all the time . even in my state .
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December 27, 2011 by Joan
You are worried about the wrong things. Do you let your child ride in a car? Children are killed or seriously injured every day and everywhere in cars. The odds of your child being hurt in a car accident relative to being in danger from a stranger are very high. However, I'm willing to bet that you drive your kids places without giving it a second thought. The chances that a stranger would abduct or harm your child are practically nil. The loss of freedom to your children as a result of your fears is more harmful than the very small risk they would face in being more independent.
December 29, 2011 by Alyssa
I agree with Joan. You see kids being abducted on the daily news, yes, but that's one child in a sea of tens of millions. The rate of harm to children is at historic lows. You just hear about it more than you ever did before through the constant news cycle and the internet. You're handicapping your child to save them from that is statistically extremely unlikely to happen to them anyway.
May 9, 2008 by andrea maetschke
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November 10, 2011 by smith
Being from country life style or small town this sounds very frightening. But if lived all my life in New York I might look at it differently. Also all the kbad is reported but the good is ignored. I'm sure much of NY is safe . I will not judge her, but I might do things differently; one being not tell the world I did it, she choose to tell the world so all comments are up for grabs.
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November 24, 2011 by samantha
Agree with you, esp. @ the single mom scrutiny. A lot of that is the general undercurrent of anti-woman sentiment that's sprung up with religious fanatics in the U.S. over the past couple of decades. If you live in a small town or just in a neighborhood with small minds and are a single parent, the stink eye will come your way, sooner or later. In our rather mundane, upper income neighborhood, we've had a convicted stalker and another neighbor w/ snarling pit bulls, but the neighborhood chit chat and focus always seems to fall on the two single moms at opposite ends of the street, one of which is me. Trust me, I live the cleanest and most boring life on earth: lovely home, terrific kids, don't drink, haven't had a date in 7 years. Same scenario for the other single mom.
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December 8, 2011 by ashley sovie
I understand the overall point you are trying to make here and I applaud single mothers; however some single mom's, I believe, use their circumstance as an excuse for a lack of parenting. Wasn't it also in Ny that a child dropped a shopping cart on top of some woman's head and left her critically injured in the hopsital? When the children had to go to court one of the mother's made a comment as to how she is doing the best she can and she's a single mom and just needs some help.... No excuse! This woman should have known she was raising a child with value for right or wrong, life or death, and no understanding of having to serve a punishment for his actions. Raising such a monster doesn't happen overnight. People need to wake up and pay attention.
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December 29, 2011 by Alyssa
Children of two-parent households become monsters too.
May 10, 2008 by Kina Barnum
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May 20, 2008 by Cliff Wynn
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May 12, 2010 by jen
the boy wanted to travel the subway alone, it was his will. she didnt force him to do it and im sure that kid is going to grow up just fine.
November 9, 2011 by Jake
The reply is simply on the facts presented. The boy's trip was used in an article. Whether you side with her or not, "mind your own business" is a pretty silly thing to say when the article intentionally touches on a controversial point and then provides a web app for anyone to respond to. Duh!
November 29, 2011 by Patti
Child Neglect is EVERYONE'S Business!!!!!!
November 14, 2011 by contraryjim
How cynical. As a boy in LA I recall the joy in free movement (traveling) in the area - mostly hitch-hiking. Time to learn buy seeing and meeting people. And develop an awareness of danger.
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November 14, 2011 by candace
shameful. lazy mother. publicity seeking mother. a kid is a kid is a kid. that is why they are entrusted to us until grown. how would this mother feel if something bad had happened? which she certainly upped her possibilities of something tragic deliberately.
November 27, 2011 by Karen Koch
I find it interesting when people say 'when I was a kid I did blah, blah, blah.' How long ago were you a kid? If people haven't noticed the world has changed alot, at least since I was a kid. We ran all over town and walked and rode our bikes everywhere. However, thanks to todays technology I know there are 2 sex offenders living in our neighborhood and so my kids don't have as many freedoms as I had as a kid. It's sad but a fact of life in the world today. Yes there were bad people out when I was a kid but definetely not as many as there are today.
December 3, 2011 by tileaves
To Karen Koch, Are there really more bad people out there today, or is it more likely that due to modern technology and easier access to information, we're more aware of who and wher the sex offenders are out there?
December 4, 2011 by Laird Popkin
To the person who posted "the world has changed alot, at least since I was a kid".
You're right, the world has changed. It's a lot safer than it was when we were growing up. Crime in NYC is at an all-time low (literally lower than when they started collecting statistics). Child kidnappings are much rarer.
I know that you're thinking that life is more dangerous than when you were a kid, but the reality is that your perception is incorrect. If you want to blame someone, I'd suggest blaming TV news programs, which get promote violent crimes and hysteria because it gets better ratings than what's actually going on.
May 10, 2008 by Joyce B.
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April 30, 2010 by ang
I agree. She is just ignoring the fact that there are pedifiles, gang members, homeless people, and just plain bullies out there that are more than strong enough and motivated enough to harm a nine year old! All of it was a little disturbing to me, but the fact that she sent him WITHOUT A CELL PHONE just blows my mind. I'm twenty-two years old, and I don't go to public places without a cell phone and leaving details about where I will be when. This isn't the 1950's any longer. Society is different, and there are more dangers out there than there used to be. I'm too busy at this very moment to go look at a chart, but I will promise that if you were to check crime rates, and even crimes against children from the 1950's until today, you will see a definite and drastic rise. I think she could have find a better way to teach a nine year old responsibility. Save the subway for teenage years when he can protect himself if he needs to and won't be such a target!! Thank God nothing happened to him.
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June 12, 2010 by SD
@ang - Please take the time to look for those stats. You will find that NYC is much safer now than in decades past. I think part of the reason there has been the uproar about this story is that parents who are reading it are remembering the NYC of their childhood in the 1970s when it was a more dangerous place. Yet kids were allowed more freedom then.
November 10, 2011 by smith
Crime rate on children reported is higher but there was just as much family crime years ago but hide by family lies: like the youngest sister or brother in school was reall an older sisters kid but was covered up by Grandma saying she was the mothr so "no one would know." Figure it out reposrting is what brings the number up, not the action.
November 10, 2011 by Grambo
You are absolutely incorrect in your assertions. Media awareness has made us all believe that things are worse now, but FBI crime statistics absolutely prove otherwise. Most child abductions/abuses are perpetrated by family members/friends, not strangers. When I was nine, all of the people in my neighborhood thought nothing of kids my age doing "unsupervised" activities, such as riding a bus or walking to the park by themselves. Many weekends we spent most of the day at the park, or playing in the woods, with friends coming or going throughout the day - nary a parent in site. This interaction was invaluable. We didn't have helicopter parents to resolve every conflict or argument. We had to work it out ourselves, and so figured out how to do so. Kids don't exist in a vacuum - think about it. If you were to see someone doing something inappropriate with a 9 year old, what would you do? The vast majority would step in. If a child seems in distress for some reason, most people would step up. I got lost as a 6 year old at the beach. Two young teenage girls saw me and took me back to my parents. People are not inherantly evil - but that doesn't make good news headlines, so we get the 1 in 1 million case - sensationalized headlines about the missing blond/blue eyed little girl (& then find out it was her Uncle who took her). Look up and actually read those crime statistics you cite - you'll be surprised.
November 10, 2011 by Nunz
I AGREE!!! Different world than yesteryear. Not trying to judge but she has a fresh head. Doesn't she turn on the nightly news?!!!
November 14, 2011 by Catfish86
When you talk about it being "different" today from the 50s, you are wrong. These crimes happened then as they do now. It was even worse because back then you just did not speak of such things. Especially male children being sexually abused. With Penn State, it is likely that Jerry Sandusky was abusing boys from the very beginning of The Second Mile in 1977. But it was so outside of speakable that it was ignored. Same with the Catholic Church and Boy Scouts. A local article on a county children's home from before 1900 to the 70s waxed nostalgic. The comments went into the hundreds with stories of sexual abuse ranging the entire span. They are not more prevalent, they are more reported.
November 15, 2011 by LMD
things can happen to children no matter where they are or who they r with.
November 18, 2011 by michelle
I don't necessarily think that times are any more dangerous than when we were kids but terrible crimes get much more media attention then they did 30 years ago. I remember being 5 and going out to play when I woke up and not coming home til dinner time. This was before cell phones and I was always fine. We have turned parenting into policing and I miss the days when kids played outside on their own rather than sit inside playing video games because parents want them in eyesight at all times. When I was younger, me and my friends would take the bus to the mall without telling our parents. We always made it there and back and had no idea that there were different buses, routes, etc. I try to be liberal with my children, within reason, as my parents were with me. I grew up knowing how to do things for myself and not needing mommy to hold my hand through life.
November 20, 2011 by Lucy Lu
Homeless people?? Why group them with the others??? No home does not equal scary criminal. Get with the program.
November 20, 2011 by David Hayes
I would not have said homeless people, just because someone is homeless in this economy doesn not make them a bad person. Nor even in the past. I have met and spoke with some really nice "homeless people" hollywood makes them out to be more thuggish and rougher than they usually are. Stereotypes..
November 30, 2011 by avictor
When I was a homeless teen a very nice HOMELESS couple sudo adopted me and looked out for me.
Because of them I even started going to school again. They had a car and when I was with them let me sleep in it (they insisted) while they took turns staying up and outside guarding it.
November 14, 2011 by contraryjim
paranoia reigns! What you call exploitation could be called sharing. YOU chose to read the article.
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November 16, 2011 by dreyes
most kids were off on their own because their parents were at work and had to learn to do things on their own. personally i think that 9 years old is plenty to be learning how to accomplish things on your own, im not sure about nyc because ive always lived in the country but i assume going out and shooting guns at that age is probably more dangerous than being in a public place, kids know to stay away from strangers and if necessary cry out help for pete's sake, the fact that its being made into a big deal is everyone trying to be parents for other peoples kids.
November 21, 2011 by Maarcella
you can be 5 steps behind your child their entire life, and still not protect them from the world. Not every 9 yr old in the country is capable of such a feat, this one obviously was. The child obviously was very familiar with the subway, as I'm sure most New Yorkers are, and its no different than allowing our "small city kids" their first adventure to their friends house on their bike without mom right there with them, the chances of something wrong happening is about the same. How are we supposed to raise responsible adults, if we are incapable of raising responsible children? She did use this story for work, she is hardly the first to do that also. I doubt there is a parent out there that has not bragged about a child accomplishment, share their frustrations, embarrasements and even humorous ancedotes, I feel for the child that would have such unattentive parents to NOT share these stories. Children were not stamped out with cookie cutters and no two children are the same. Each child deserves to grow,learn and mature at their own level without judgemental adults scutinizing every move. I try not to put my children in dangerous situations (two boys,age 6 & 8), but considering they have a trampoline, bikes, (complete with a set of ramps for jumping) scooters, scateboards, four wheelers and go-carts, I'm sure, to some, I have failed to keep them safe.
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November 26, 2011 by ray jones
Way too young. Sometimes bad things do happen. Children need to learn to be independent but at a young age one bad experience could do more harm than good. Why take that risk?
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November 28, 2011 by Bob Walton
I hope Ms. Skenazy's story leads other parents to examine whether their youngsters should be "given a longer leash." A parent's job is to prepare their kids for independence by giving them appropriate instruction, increasing responsibilities and encouragement.
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May 13, 2008 by Moonstone
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November 10, 2011 by sharon weavers
I agree, i have been on those subways, there is no way that i would let a nine year old travel on those alone. I am not a very protective mother, just know what is out there, and if the wrong person had noticed he was traveling alone this could have ended another way.
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November 18, 2011 by Pat
I just have two words, if anyone remembers?? ETAN PATZ
November 23, 2011 by Lisa
Two more words: Leiby Kletzky.
November 27, 2011 by Ryan
Etan Patz was kidnapped and murdered by a friend of the family's babysitter.
May 13, 2008 by RichardBronosky
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November 13, 2011 by Tom V
Our society in a nutshell. Everything falls to the lowest common denominator...ie the people with no motivation, little intelligence, and no common sense. But we have to 'protect' those people. Hmph!!!!
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December 4, 2011 by Laird Popkin
Why do you think that "it was a publicity stunt"? Kids ride busses and subways in NYC all the time. If a kid is mature enough at 9 to be travelling independently (and it sounds like this kid was), it's certainly safer taking a subway than walking. So in NYC, there are plenty of kids that walk, ride busses and ride subways to get to and from school.
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May 13, 2008 by Kina Barnum
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May 12, 2010 by jen
uhh kina if you hate this artical so much why are you wasting so much time commenting on it?
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May 14, 2008 by Jenett Tillotson
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November 13, 2011 by William Fraser
I was wondering how far I would have to read before I saw a comment I agreed with. Thank you.
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November 14, 2011 by candace frates
children are not even safe in their own schools, much less with the general population. most people are good, but 1% bad is too much for me to risk my own chidren. Thank god for her childs safe return
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December 29, 2011 by Heather
which world will your children live in then? I didn't realize we had a choice on whether or not our kids live in the world.
May 14, 2008 by Bill L
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May 14, 2008 by Moonstone
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May 15, 2008 by KJ Young
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May 12, 2010 by jen
RIGHT ON!! I love how open minded you are. My parents are the complete opposite. I am almost 22 and they want me home by 12 call me all the time and its getting silly. I plan on moving out but just like these articals describe a child who is overprotected, I am scared that I wont succeed, and Im insure in my ability to handel myself. Im just greatful that I know the facts and Im going to try my hardest to overcome this fear that they have instilled in me. :)
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November 26, 2011 by Beth
When my daughter was a teenager and wanted to go out, I would ask her what time she thought she would be home - and most of the time it was reasonable: a few hours for a movie, a couple for visiting a friend at home. Once we agreed on the terms of the plan, I trusted her enough to go to bed and set my alarm for the time she expected to be home. It was her responsibility to get home in time to turn off that alarm. She knew that if she didn't, and it woke me up, I would be calling all resources to find her. There was always the option of calling before hand to change the time if circumstances changed. (She always had a charged cell phone with her.) Her friends all thought I was the "cool" mom, but really, it was just making her think things through, and be reasonable. She never failed, and she's a very responsible and thoughtful adult. If we don't let kids practice in a safe way, they'll never learn how to make good choices. Really, parents, if you "raised them right", talked things through beforehand, let them show you they got it, (and praised them for it) they'll be fine.
November 13, 2011 by county gal
I so agree with you. Now I might not let my 9 year old child ride the subway by himself, but I do allow them to have some freedon. They learn by taking their own steps and making their own decisions. I first started letting my boys stay home by themselves for an hour or so when they were 8 and 9. Then is slowly progressed to longer and now it's to the point where they can start dinner for me and use the stove etc. and they are only 9 and 11. Kids respond well to getting some responsibility and they will actually act more maturely when your not there than when you are. Take baby steps and feel out your kid to see what they can handle. THey'll let you know if they are uncomfortable or not ready.
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May 16, 2008 by Mia
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