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The Responsibility Project®. Exploring what it means to do the right thing

Thursday Feb 09

Is My Mommy Too Old?

71 Comments

January 8, 2009 by Kathy McManus

There’s been an abundance of odd headlines lately, fading even before their 15 minutes, like Police flush man from bathroom ceiling, and Woman smuggles monkey to U.S. under blouse.

But one such headline refuses to go away: Indian woman, 70, gives birth to first child after IVF treatment.

Part oddity, part odyssey, the story of septuagenarian first-time mother Rajo Devi has reverberated around the world, sparking a fierce debate about whether giving birth late in life is responsible.

For 50 years of marriage, Devi tried unsuccessfully to have a child. Her husband, now 72, even married Devi’s sister in an effort to produce a child—an acceptable practice in their region of India. But the sister did not become pregnant either. News reports said the couple endured great cultural shame because of their inability to have children.

So with the help of a fertility specialist, a donor egg, and her husband’s sperm, 70-year-old Devi became pregnant and delivered a baby daughter. “We longed for a child all these years,” she said, “and now we are very happy to have one.”

But not all the world shared the couple’s joy. From India to Ireland, Australia to America, people reacted to the same critical questions, summed up by a newspaper columnist: “Where does the yearning to be a parent become selfish disregard for the life of the child being created? A child whose parents will almost definitely not see her into adulthood? How old is too old to have a baby?”

Absurd. Appalling. Selfish. Many readers offered the same objections. “Wow, she will most likely be dead before the child’s 10th birthday,” one wrote. “What a terrible thing to do to a child, to insure that they will live most of their life without a parent.” While some quoted news reports that the baby had a large extended family to help, others countered: “Do you know a child who has lost their mother before their 12th birthday? Go try saying to them, ‘Oh well, at least you’ve got an extended family’ and see what reaction you’ll get. No one can ever replace your mother.”

Some readers were less disapproving: “Who knows, having the wisdom of being 70 and raising a child might be one of the best things for that kid.” Another questioned, “Who are we to judge? Just because a mother has a baby at 20 does not guarantee she will see the baby into adulthood. Sometimes having a parent who really wanted a baby is far more valuable.”

Still others took issue with the doctors’ role: “Surely the physicians who treated Rajo Devi were equally responsible for this moral quandary? Who are they to help ‘create’ a child condemned to a parentless life?”

Tell us what you think: Did Rajo Devi act responsibly or irresponsibly in giving birth at age 70? When personal dreams collide with personal responsibility, which should take precedence?

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71 Comments

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  • January 12, 2009 by

    If it's ok for these male movie stars to have babies when their in their sixties and seventies why not a woman?

    Reply

    • September 20, 2009 by Patricia Barnard

      Because, for the most part mothers take care of the babies! When the father is this old, he usually has a younger mate. Who will the precious baby have if mama passes?

      Reply

  • January 12, 2009 by olofinlua oyindamola

    the lord is so good. He is more than what men can imagine

    Reply

    • October 18, 2009 by Segilola

      Congratulations to her, and I wish her God guidiance in raising the child. I belief this is a miracle to have a child at the age of 70

      Reply

  • January 14, 2009 by

    As a woman, age 47, who cannot have children, I would NOT EVER consider such drastic means to conceive a child. We are weakening our gene pool when we accomplish forced conception for a couple who cannot conceive and carry to term on their own, to pass on their genetics, as we pass weak genes on to the next generation. Breeders of pedigreed animals would not do such a foolish thing; we should care enough about our future to do the same!

    Reply

    • November 7, 2009 by Katie B

      Yes, breeders of pedigreed animals might, but these are humans, NOT animals. This woman lives in a different society, and you should respect this, it is another life, and if it wasn't part of God's plan, it wouldn't have happened.

      Reply

  • January 14, 2009 by

    In another blog we discussed the issue having more than 2 children and, in the course of that discussion, the idea or reason for having the child came up. I don't think the age of either parent was mentioned as a limiting factor other than in so far as it affects the ability of the parents to provide a consistent, supportive home for that child. On the other hand, we did discuss the issue of outside social or other factors which tend to bring about unwanted or perhaps ill prepared conception. In this case, my only concern is that the parents have the capacity and the desire to provide the best home they can for the child they now have. As stated, they, or at least the mother, satisfied her culturally implied social responsibility to bear at least one child but the question remains ... did they want the child for the child's sake and will they see their parenting responsibilities through to completion. Parents in that age bracket might be forced to delegate that responsibility if they simply wear out but that situation should have been considered and prepared for before conception.

    Reply

  • January 15, 2009 by

    People strive throughout their lives to accomplish that which makes them whole. We don't argue the value of an education for those receiving their degree after years of struggle. We don't argue the value of finally achieving the ability to purchase a new fancy car. Why do we judge those whose life ambition is to have a child? Some mothers die at childbirth - do we shame them for wanting a child? Do we think less of them for bringing a child into the world? I too have concerns about the child's welfare (education, finances) but imposing my standards or pre-judgement is just as thoughtless an act. Many people now live into their 100's. This child has a chance to have parents until their 30's. Blessings on their house.

    Reply

  • January 15, 2009 by Roxanne Davis

    I have always let the Lord direct my path in life. My husband and I tried for many years to have a baby with no success. Neither of us got checked by a doctor as we thought if it was meant to happen, it will. I got a point in my life where I accepted the fact that we would be childless. Then, after 17 years of marriage; the year of my 40th birthday, I found out I was pregnant. Although anxious about the pregnancy, I was happy. Now, that my son is here, (and is now 2) I would not change anything in my life. He has turned out to the the light of my life and makes each day worth living to the fullest. The moral behind this story: I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe if the Lord wanted a 70 year old woman to have a baby, he would make it physically possible for it to happen without the use of a fertility doctor. Many blessings go out to the new mother and father and I pray they live long enough to raise their child into adulthood and if they should be taken from the child before adulthood, I pray that child is strong enough to get through it and understands why his parents had him so late in life and realizes how much they loved him. Irresponsible: I wouldn't say irresponsible, maybe selfish, maybe it is not something I would do, but who I am to judge?

    Reply

  • January 16, 2009 by

    The woman used a donor egg. Her genetic contribution to the child is zero.

    Reply

  • January 17, 2009 by

    My name is Constance and I am overjoyed what the Lord has done for you and your husband. How he has turned your mourning into joy. I am a witness of his goodness. I was blessed with a beautiful little girl named Charity, who is now 10 years old. God gave her to us in 1998. I celebrate with you and your husband today.

    Reply

  • January 18, 2009 by

    I say more power to her, it's got to be a miracle or some kind of crazy. I just hope there is someone young enough in the family to raise it when the parents are gone...got to love it though because it gives some of us hope that there are still miracles out there...

    Reply

  • January 18, 2009 by elizabeth

    Don't confuse this story with a miracle. A miracle happens when you least expect it, but need it. It has no explanation. This is simply a matter of medical manipulation. Don't you know there is a doctor giving seminars about how HE was able to do this amazing thing! Then he gets to walk away, with no responsibility to the rest of the story. Rearing the child. Medical ethics is the next big bubble issue with the rising cost of medical procedures and the per capita cost we pay for these 'miracles'. Just because it can be done, doesn't mean it should be done.

    Reply

    • January 19, 2009 by

      Even so that it is only manipulation of medicine. Think about the woman who is giving birth. Usually there is difficulty giving birth at the age of 40 and many lose the child or even more their own lives as well. We do not live in the old days when Sarah the woman from the bible who had a baby at 90! In a sense, it is a partial miracle because the woman is not dead from giving birth and an aging body. Seriously though, this woman wanted a baby bad. I think we shouldn’t judge her for having a baby with medical help.

      Reply

      • January 20, 2009 by elizabeth

        Didn’t mother Teresa run an orphanage for unwanted, throw away children of India? If the 70 year old woman wanted a child so bad, why didn't she go so mother Teresa’s convent and adopt one? Parenting is an act of stewardship. As a society we have almost completely forgotten that concept. It's not about us and what we want; it's about what is best for those we bring into this world. That includes being able to support them, teach them, lead them, mold them into responsible contributors to this consciousness we call society. Children are a gift and sometimes that gift is random and unwanted, sometimes those that seek the gift never get it. That's the flaw with being human. Should we all seek to be gods because we can with new technologies?

  • January 22, 2009 by

    I'm not sure where I stand on this one. I'm thirty one, and just had my third child. I feel for this woman, as I felt so tired after having my third baby-how would I feel at seventy? I hope this woman live to the age where they can see this child to adulthood; if not, I pray for the child to have strength. I feel its irresponsible for the parents to have IVF into this age; most people would see the natural end of fertility in women(around menopause) as the end of the possibility of children. I just hope all goes well here. And I hope that a bunch of women in their sixties and seventies(eighties?) don't go out and seek out IVF to have those kids they couldn't have when God intended women to have children. There are MANY children out there, in every country, of every ethnicity-who need loving families. Who else feels that adoption is a much better way, and much less expensive way-to become a parent in this case?

    Reply

  • January 25, 2009 by nancy belcher

    it's what GOD wants..

    Reply

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