Gossip: When To Hold Your Tongue
March 11, 2010 by Kathy McManus
Should gossip be stopped?
According to The Wall Street Journal, a growing number of educators, religious leaders, and employers are part of a new push to lower the volume on gossip, urging people to ask themselves three questions before speaking: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
The questions — attributed to Socrates and Buddhist teachings — have been around for centuries, but are finding new followers in what the Journal refers to as “an age of cultural shrillness and unrestrained rumor-mongering on the Internet.”
Gossip is “emotionally lethal,” said the CEO of a PR firm who banned gossip in his office and is a proponent of kind/true/necessary. “If you stop gossip in your own life and bring it to the attention of your community,” he said, “then people will follow your leadership.”
George Washington University Law School professor Daniel Solove agrees that there’s value to the kind/true/necessary mantra — especially with children — but believes the bigger issue is the permanence of Internet gossip. “We can’t make people nicer,” said Solove. “So we need to keep pushing legal consequences.” He argues for tougher laws against “Internet irresponsibility,” saying that the threat of being sued is the best way to reduce malicious gossip.
But communications professor Susan Hafen, of Weber State University in Utah, questions the movement, saying that by prohibiting gossip we may be simply avoiding unpleasantness and rocking the boat. “If we only tell kind stories about people,” said Hafen, “then we may be avoiding holding people responsible for their actions.”
Tell us what you think: Should we try to limit gossip? Is the kind/true/necessary idea the answer?
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40 Comments
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May 13, 2010 by Maryan
My response on this gossiping dilemma, I would have to say that gossiping gives people something to talk about. Weather is something an individual have heard, something on T.V., or even something that you think that you have saw and translated into your own prospective. Seeing something interesting would always lead you to wanted to share with people even if there were errors that you don’t know about involved in that dilemma. Gossiping can always get personal and hurt someone even if you are not aware of it in the end. I always see people who are hurt from information that was misread, so people have to realize when to stop gossiping.
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December 20, 2010 by chubbachubb10637
hi think it's good to find info on celebs just incase u r making a magazine or something
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May 17, 2010 by Angie
I agree with the asking is it true, is it kind, will it hurt someone? stop the gos. now,
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December 20, 2010 by chubbachubb10637
nah i think we should keep it
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September 5, 2011 by SHIRLEY BUCHANAN
SOME TIMES THE GOSSIP HURTS SO BAD THAT IT CAN CAUSE SOME ONE TO COMMIT SUIDSIDE, PEOPLE SHOULD NOT SAY IF THEY DONT KNOW THE TRUTH,.......ITS CHEAP TALK.
March 19, 2011 by Val
It seems to me that people that need to gossip don't have enough going on in their own life. Unfortunately, whatever intention and actions that we take come back to us, so gossip really hurts the gossiper. Go back to school, volunteer, take up a worthwhile hobby.
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May 20, 2010 by Beverly
without gossip some people would have nothing to talk about. Is it kind ? I think not ,necessary not really . It seems to be a last resort effort at cmmuncation at the water cooler. People who have no ideas to discuss, talk about other people.
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August 21, 2010 by PATRICE ROACH
This is so true I am guilty of gossiping I will take your advice talk about ideas and not others thanks.
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July 11, 2010 by E. S.
Gossip and the spreading of false malicious rumors can be physically hurtful, when you feed in the rumors and don't ask for any proof. I advise all those reading this email, to never help spread any negative rumors. I called the authorities on some noisey tenants, and they have retaliated by not only spreading false, malicious rumors that cannot be sustantiated nor supported by any evidence. But this is not enough for them, they are also paying other patients in the Nursing Home that I'm in, to spray toxic chemicals into my room that can be fatal to me in my condition.
Some of the workers have joined in with them, because I have commented on how most of them ignore patients in feces/urine soiled diapers.
I have tried getting help, but all to no avail.... So as U can see, what I say to U is from direct experience of how bad things can get when spreading malicious rumors. Most people believe what negative rumors they hear, without obtaining or asking for any proof.
So People, don't do it. Always ask for proof of any rumors, and if they can't provide any it's because it is not true and done solely to hurt the person.....don't become part of something like that, just think of how you would feel if it were done to U.
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August 21, 2010 by Patrice Roach
U need to pray to god about certain situations not call the police on others that was ugly no one was physically harming you or your family were they? Yes you should have told about the affairs going on at the nursing home without people having to know you was the snitch.Now you got enemies at home and at work WOW.
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July 13, 2010 by elsa childers
I CAN SAY THAT I ALSO HEAR OR HAVE TOLD SOME GOSSIP. I HAVE STOPPED THIS OR I CAN SAY I FIRST ASK SELF WILL THIS HURT THE PERSON OF WHOM I AM TELLING ABOUT, WILL THIS IF THEY FOUND OUT IT WAS I WHO TOLD, END OUR FRIENDSHIP, AND LAST IS THIS WORTH THE BETRAYAL OF THE PERSON I AM SPEAKING OF. I REALLY HAVE LEARNT THINK BEFORE YOU TELL AS I ASK SELF IF IT WAS I WHOM THE GOSSIP WAS ABOUT WHAT OR HOW WOULD I FEEL WHEN I HEARD ABOUT IT? I DONT THINK SOME OF WHAT IS CALLED GOSSIP, WHICH ISNT HURTFULL OR MEAN IS OK. GIVING ONES OPION WHEN ASKED IS NOT WHAT I SAY IS GOSSIP, I HAVE ALSO LEARNT THIS DONT TELL SOMEONE SOMETHING AND SAY- DONT TELL ANY ONE. IF UYOU DONT WANT IT KNOWN DONT START IT OFF BYE TELLING ANY ONE.,
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July 24, 2010 by Grandpa Don
Use of the internet is a very convenient way to attack a person. Make it sound reasonable and it will spread like wildfire. I advocate the responsible use of the internet and have established a web page to promote the cause. I invite all to join the "Use the Internet Responsibly Crusade" You may google " The World of Grandpa Don" and look for the Crusade page.
Grandpa Don
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August 23, 2010 by Erica
Gossip can get you hurt, kill or disliking the person who started the gossip... if you gonna say something keep it to yourself..
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September 24, 2010 by Y-M
When u gossip an it's for the wrong reasons .I don't like it an I don't care to be around it.Now on the other had if you are a prson that can gossip with some n an can keep the gossip sealed more power to ya. But,on the ther a gossip does start alot of stuff(an ya can't say it doesn't).Gossipin' comes from people in other people sh!! and not there own.
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October 5, 2010 by jusjas
mr. solove is trying to promote himself by encouraging litagation. grow up. Do something worthwhile, trace where the government put 780 billion dollars and sue for accountability and the money in politicians pockets. Lets sue the federal reserve for charging the American people interest to use their own money. . Let's sue Monsanto for cross breading our crops with genetic altered genes that they own a patent on and then claiming the crop belongs to them not the farmer and it isn;t their fault the wind blew their seed into his field. lets sue for not labeling genetic altered food. Lets sue the justice system/individual police officers for presenting false testimony/evidence and putting the innocent in jail or on dealth row. lets sue for the right to not allow lawyers to encourage more laws.
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December 8, 2010 by Karen
I think there is a difference between mere gossip, and truth..... speaking true facts, or spreading third and forth party rumors are very dangerous....
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December 20, 2010 by chubchu1919
hahahahaha me too :P
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January 10, 2011 by Been There
I've been on the end of it before. All I ask Is that they clean out their own closets of skeletons, before they gossip about mine. But like someone else said They have nothing else to do. Well people get a life and leave everybody else alone.
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